Thursday, September 24, 2009

sigh..

is she up to something again...?

sigh..

beginning to think if she's the one. why must there be so many intruding thoughts in my mind all the time? ns is fucked up. dad is not himself. and the person i always confide in does not respond to me anymore. its like everyone is shunting me away.

i'm especially concerned about her. seems like she's hiding something away from me again.

this time, it'll be last.



residing in Malaysia is not a bad idea after all. maybe a new life awaits me there.


she doesn't even bother to find me when i'm not contacting her.
what great response.
sighhhh..

Saturday, December 27, 2008

.

read thru her old posts again. sigh. i just cant help it. 10.30am right now. took so much time to read them. mentioning that asshole's name so frequently. and i just noticed something. now that she says she's not contacting him anymore, she doesn't say "i miss you" or "i miss him" anymore. so all this while, it was meant for him. probably lying to me all the while. thanks. sigh. i really wonder if she has not been contacting that asshole anymore. i am very very doubtful.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

.

she's sooooo busy. and when she's free, she cant go out much.
i'm sooooo busy, but when i'm free, she cant go out.

end up, we always meet at nite. and there's nothin much we can do at nite.
plus, her mom always makes noise cos she's out too often.
sigh.

why cant her mom be more flexible, or at least she could somehow talk to her mom about this?

now, the number of smses are still not improving. and during most of the time, both of us are working. that explains why. so this will go on for many years to come cos she'll get to work at one of the hospitals and i'll be serving my NS.
sigh.

i hope this wont lead to us tearing apart once again. God please help us. I beg you..

the affection? sigh. just a teeny weeny lil bit of it now. and its been like 2-3 months now since we have reconciled. too long dont you think dear?
sigh.

i really dunno what is in your head. REALLY.

i still feel like just a fren to you.
where's my poems?
where's my "gf-like" comments in frenster?
where's my attention i'm supposed to get from you?

all i get each time we go out is almost the same routine.
and i get scolded or shouted at each time i ask you questions.
yet u say in ur old entry quoted :
"i feel single. i dunno his whereabouts nor does he noe mine. we are drifing apart. i dunno wad he is doing and he does not noe mine".

but when i do all this questioning, you get irritated dear.

WHY?

sigh.

never mind la. i'm still following her flow cos she thinks she has one. she says she has no more problems and all anymore. but i dun feel like its true.
why dont i feel loved at all now?
i shall wait for it. but..
till when?
sigh.

till i had enough of her obliviousness towards my feelings and needs?


well,


i already had enough of that.

Monday, December 15, 2008

boredom struck hard.

well, havent been updating for a while and since i'm so dead bored, i'm gonna sum up my week. we'll see how far it goes this time.

ok. so made 9.7k last week for boss. he was extremely happy. all the buyers from the auction have finally accepted me to be part of their "family". being the youngest there, obviously, the older ones think that they could "makan the smaller fish" but hell nooooooo.. i was made for this! haha. now my pocket never runs dry and i'm trying my best to pamper her in every way where possible.

met her 2x i tink last week. or mayb 3x. i cant remember. but i tink she did have fun with me although she still refuses to blog about me like she used to. GGRRR!! so irritating. can never get praises of me, from her over the net or anywhere else. its like she is ashamed to talk about me or somethin. anyway, treated her to a whole bunch of body shop stuff to keep her revitalised in her beauty.

: "You are beautiful dear. At least the most beautiful to me. And you know how far that's true."

Then, last fri nite if i'm not wrong, i treated her to a whole bunch of stuff at Mustafa ctr. that trip was a mishap. i dunno why it happened but the damn lorry gave me so much problems. it was very fine at first until we just reached mustafa. never mind about that. but the thing that got me thinkin was, how she got so loving towards me in the lorry. lorries turn her on to me?? hahaha. wad the hell. ok. enough about that.

went fishing on sat nite wit dad, 2 sisters and fizz. caught nothin but my sis, fathin caught a damn crab on her line. wad was that about. went home at 6am in the morning cos ate at simpang after fishing before heading for home.

yesterday, a sunday, a lot of nonsense happened. right after waking up in the morning, heard from dad that there was a problem with his car. so i had to rent a car for him, on a sunday. obviously, nobody could do that as all rental shops would be shut. apparently, i did. on this day, i was supposed to meet yana at 345pm at outram mrt station. now hear my story.

woke up at 1pm. got the call at 110pm. got the car at 2pm. met dad at bukit batok at 230pm. ate for a while and went off at 245pm. met a client at toa payoh at 315pm. texted yana saying that i would be late. fine. settled. so this client was a nuisance. the most irritating client ever in the list. dragged and dragged my time till 420pm. yana was already waiting. i was already getting cold sweats cos i noe she is the type who cant wait for long. went off at 430pm after settling the deal. told dad i had to meet yana. he said work is more important. tell her to wait. i told him it was planned way before. so he was driving. he told me to follow him back first and settle some papers. only then will he release me. i said i really cant. we were at the highway already. which was at pie going towards tuas. he wanted to head on home. i said, pa, i really need to go. he told me, ok, u wait.

so he pulled over at the highway, which was at clementi exit. he opened the door and told me to go out. i didnt. so he forced me to. finally i gave in. AT THE HIGHWAY. i went out, he closed the door, he zoomed off. gosh. so i walked along the highway quickly to the nearest main road. yana called me. i din pick up cos she would think that i was making fun out of her waiting. it was already 515pm when i got to the main road. a cab came.

PHEW. lucky me. took it and told him to rush me to sgh block 4. and when i reached, yana was already having a black face. sigh. and she scolded me. shouting in fact. my dignity and pride? forget it. let ppl say what they want to. i never gave a shit about them anyway. later on, my sister texted asking for money to top up electricity. making me more pissed. and the rental lady was chasing me to transfer the balance deposit money. luckily there was a deposit machine there. activated her card and did my errands.

so the plan was to watch a movie. end up, i din get to watch it. had to accompany her home empty as well. so i was feeling extremely bored and fed up. better still, she slept while i was at her place. and after i got home, she slept away. great.

what a god damn day. the bad luck started from punggol where i din get a single catch. then the car, the client, the drop off, the top up, the scolding, the chasing, no movies in the end, and a boring ride home. why cant ppl just leave me in peace when i want to have some time on my own with her? it has never improved. sigh.

so today, went to work as per normal. earned 2k at first and another 1k at the last house. Alhamdullilah. Rezeki melimpah limpah skrg. i used to be so tied down at first but now its all good. yeah. asked her out today to spend some time together. and.... as expected....... she cant. cos her mom makes a whole bunch of noise. and i miss her so much. if she din offer to go out wit me today in the first place yesterday, i wouldn't have asked. she gave me hopes. and what happened? READ THIS ENTRY'S TITLE. sigh. yeap.

she says meet her tomorrow nite. and what can we do at nite? sit down at marina and lepak. its really so hard for her to go for a movie with me. i really dun understand why. she used to love it. and i dun even think i can make it tomorrow nite. and SHIT! Mano, my fren in this business, got stabbed and whacked by some indians at mustafa. got to noe that he was not the person those indians were supposed to whack. will go visit him tomorrow at NUH. so sad. sigh. confirm tomorrow NUH ward tu mcm pasar geylang. or the bazaar rather.

I miss you dear. sigh. You know what i really need now.

ok. ur blurr. i noe. i'll say it for you.

I......
need you.......
Now..

sigh.
 
Hello - Lionel Richie