my head.

sigh..
voices from the depths seeping out to my heart.
telling me to do all sorts of things i dont wanna do.
sleepless nights, persistent thoughts,
answering back shouldnt be a problem?

wrong..

every answer gets a worse reply.
every secret hidden gives space for more questioning.
a police officer in there.
3 different referrals, all with the same objective.
to see if its really topsy turvy up there.

every secret found out, relieves the pain in the mind.
but pain in the heart, unbearable.
all leading to one conclusion.
mr voice: "kill yourself you lousy, hopeless bastard. what are you waiting for you idiot? nobody cares about you."

Insane? not really.
more like paranoid to me.

why must this happen dear god?
i know i have been a really bad boy not serving you as a servant.
but i'll come back and you know that.
Help me dear god. help me.
help me to move on or move over, please... sigh..

i love her with all my heart.
i give her my everything, even if it troubles me.
i dont care.
i sacrifice all i got for her.
i'm givin all out in this relationship.
but i got this in return.
where is the fairness?

VOICES SHUT UP! (it came)

sigh.
prove me wrong dear.
please prove me wrong.
please please please please please work on this with extreme importance dear.
we want to start a family, not another forgettable memory.

ignore him completely please...
i cant beg enough. i'll stop here.

sigh..

when he comes back, or anyone else comes,
please dont be tempted to enter that open trap again.
it hit u once, real hard.
it hit me with millions of spears, much harder.
nobody wants to have my "special friend" within them. trust me.

its really painful.
i bet surgery wont hurt as much.

i love you Ana.
i think only now u understand how much i meant it.
i cant believe i revealed this to you.
i'm really sorry for making you feel bad.
i sincerely go down on bended knees to apologize.

i hinted, but u never got my drift.
i'm sorry baby.
really sorry.
i'm such a pussy.
sigh.