dtyerutrjsdt

I really Love you.
I really Miss you.
I feel so insecure.
I feel so threatened.
I dont know how you feel About me.

I feel so hopeless, helpless and worthless.
Wishing god will really take my life away.
I'm already dead as of now.
I'm a walking corpse.
Nobody loves me.
Everyone hates me.
Life ain't a bitch.
I am.

I'm seriously paranoid! God please take my life away for I have no more purpose left here.

I've indirectly lost the only thing i've ever loved.
The air that i use to breathe has been taken away from me.
My mind, body, heart and soul have all been drained out off their juices.
I have nothing more to give.

I have shed a million tears.
I have tried a million ways.
I have read a millions pages.
I have given a million things.

I gained . . . Nothing.

Exhausted I am.
Always speaking of things that would be disastrous to me.
I think very slowly now.
Every single thing that is directed at me, no matter how small, could bring tears to my eyes.
I'm writing with smallest fonts because i have lost all the confidence i used to have.
I'm not even confident in writing this.
I'm just writing everything out of my head.
No thinking done.
This is exactly how paranoid i am.
I'm crying again.
I'm such a loser.
I'm such an idiot.
I'm such a moron.
And i'm crying even more now.
If suicide was not Haram, i would have committed it.
Call me a wuss or a pussy.

Know what?
I DONT GIVE A FUCK!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Sigh.
Scary?
NO.
Just irrational thinking.
I'm so deprived of the things i love.
So much filled with problems.
Problems are brimming.
My happiness has not came.
And i'm sure it wont come in many years to come.

So I'll keep smoking myself to a point where it gets too dangerous.
Then i'll stop cold turkey.
It will then bring in even more problems.
After which i wont take my inhaler.
Then I'll just go.

I want to go.
Far far away...
Very very very far away...
So far, you will only see me when you meet HIM.

Call the doctors and show them how mad i am.
I have lost it totally.
My veins on my brains have all snapped.
I'm a mad man now.
Love me for who i am?
I guess not.

Nobody can love me the way i need them to.

I'm so lost without you.

This doen't exist anymore to you does it?
You are forcing yourself aren't you?

Its all my fault ever since the start.
I shouldn't have made you fall in love with me.
I'm not the kinda guy you're really looking for.
You're so hot, pretty, sweet and sexy, you deserve someone so god damn much better than me.
I'm just a useless assh*le trying too hard to please you.

I'm sorry.

Look for me if you're really bothered.
If deep within your heart, something is still holding you back,
then do not try to find me.
It will hurt me more than you try to please.

Seems like i'm the one who needs help now.

Dear god, please take my life away.
Amin.